Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Things Left Unsaid

It's been since 29 October 2013, but I still can't let it go. Me and a friend hurt each other, and since then we're not speaking. Those days I was going through really bad times and needed help and support. That friend mentioned something and we got into an argument. A few days later I texted her and asked if she's OK. I called her too. No reply. I asked another friend how she is and she said the girl is busy with her private life. Same day I got a message from that friend saying she can't come to me anymore and I should take care of me myself. I felt hurt and my pride stumped, so I decided not to ask her for help anymore. Because I'm a proud person and I hardly ever ask anyone to help me. I was trying to stand on my feet when that mutual friend one evening texted me if Im fine. I was still hurt and didn't reply. At 10 o'clock at night I heard someone knocking at the door. I felt it was them and I really wasn't ready to see them. I asked a friend to tell them I'm asleep.

That's where the bad things happened:

The housemate told them from behind the closed door and didn't open the door to them. It was rude of her, but I was in my room and thought she opened the door and told this face-to-face. The friend got mad and asked to see me in person, the housemate still didn't open the door. They got mad and she knocked at the door. I went to the hall to open the door to them, but my housemate didn't let me open the door. They knocked hard a few more times and then left.

A few minutes later she messaged me on Yahoo and called me a witch and said she knew I have been well just pretending not to be OK because the housemate had told her I was out that evening. She said I shouldn't contact her anymore and she will block me on anywhere.

She actually did. Also on that night, she wrote a long post on her blog and among things she wrote about herself, she called me a rat and also someone who uses others for her benefit. She said she successfully had kicked (!) me out of her life and is ignoring me.

Well, those words hurt me the most, and I understood this girl had a very wrong image of me. She thought when I asked her to help me by taking me out, I want to spend her money for myself and not pay.

I decied to let her go. And not to contact her anymore. If she thinks I'm using her for my benefits, then better let her be without me; and I move on in my life alone.

A few days later an angel came to my rescue, and she brought back life to me. If she weren't, maybe I wasn't here now.

On February that friend wrote on her blog again that since a few months ago she's ignoring some friends (means me) who use her. Again I got upset. The day after she emailed me, an email without a hello and she said she didn't want to think of me, but my memories suddenly came to her all at once, and made her sad. She continued with a few sentences which meant she was sorry, and at the end hoped I was still alive.

At that time, by her 2 blog posts I was hurt enough. So I didn't reply. She came late, very late. When everything was broken and I found my path alone. She left me when I needed her the most thinking I'm lying.

So, after that she didn't hear from me and I didn't hear from her anymore. So many days, months and a year and half have passed. But:

I still can't let go of things.

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