By the 4th of July it will be one year I've returned to Iran. How are my feelings about it beside the cliché "time flies" thing? Man, I don't wanna remember it. It was sad, heartbreaking, soul-killing (add any other words meaning sad to the end of the sentence). The first few months was horrible. Iran wasn't what I expecting, and I felt like a stranger among my own people. And yes Tehran is a mess, I realised for the first time. Too crowded, too many cars, catastrophic air pollution, prices too heavy for clothes and the quality so low, people drive really horribly, and worse than that, I had to give in to the dress codes here. And women wearing tons of make-up, with so much nose surgery going on and all made me so horrified! (If anyone feeling insulted, I'm sorry, just saying how I was feeling). I promised myself to keep my appearance, not to tweeze my eyebrows, wax my arms, wear make-up; and buy new shawls and manteaus others are happily buying and wearing.
Now a year has passed, and I'm getting used to Iran again. Let's be honest and I say if nice bookshops and some cafes and art galleries didn't exist over here, along with excellent plays in theatres, I might have never survived.
Changes in me:
- I gained lots of weight (I'm not size 34 anymore).
- I work and study hard but I don't dream any dreams (what's a dream? Something that you create and it shatters right in front of your feet).
- I can focus better.
- People think I'm 10 years younger than my real age. Annoying.
- I had to give up a lit bit of my "soft-butchness", yet still some people comment I look like boys.
- I make more money than 3 years ago. GOOD.
- I make cupcakes (girl, seriously?!).
Do I like living in Iran? So-so. Did I miss the place I used to live? Yes, very. Do I have any plans of moving out again? Maybe.
Till then, let's keep on listening to k.d. lang.