I'm laying on my bed. The room is half dark. The early morning milky light is coming from the windows. My eyeballs hurt and there's this unusual pain coming from my ribcage. I havent slept all night. Was writing down Portuguese words and sentences as well as listenining to Greek and Roman mythology lectures. My pink pen got finished and I started to write with red pen. These are the pens I bought two years ago from Central Bookcity in Tehran. I wrote with my red pen on the paper: "Tonight is a foggy night, like my life these days". Its foggy because I dont know where I will be next and I will do next. Its so sickening. These days Im getting so annoyed that Im thinking of benefits of going back to Iran. These are the benefits I could list in my head:
1. For living in your own country you dont need a visa, you dont need to worry about ovrstaying, paying lots of money each year to renew it or extend it. There's no especial date you "have to" leave your country by law. It's your own land; you can live there till the last day of your life.
2. I will have a mum and dad and sister there who can help me protect me and take care of me if I get ill or something bad happens to me. Nothing takes the place of family members love and care.
3. For staying in my own house there in Iran I don't need to pay rent for my room to my parents. I dont need to worry about rises in rent. There will be no bills I have to worry about. I dont have to share the house with other people. I dont need to deal with annoying dirty selfish housemates who lie and cheat or play bossy around or poke their noses into your life or bring annoying people to the house.
3. Home-made delicious foods of mum prepared with lots of love, care and time. I dont have to eat my bad-tasting food or stay hungry.
4. Im not a foreigner in my own country. I dont have a different skin colour, eye form and hair. No one will stare at me annoyingly there. Im just a random person. An everyday person you see each day on Tehran streets.
5. I dont have to carry my life in two suitcases dragging them from this flat to that flat. There in my parents house is my forever home. I can buy as much stuff as I like without worring about their weight and volume and if my suitcases will burst or no.
5. Books are not as horribly expensive as theyre here. My house is only 20 minutes walk from central bookcity. I can fill my lovely bookcases with as many books as I want.
6. Iranians inside Iran are warmer, more trusting you, more willing to talk and mingle with you. Out of Iran is not like that. People are cautious of each other, dont trust easily and less willing to mix. Sad but true.
7. Iranian lovely fruits. Juicy apricots, cherries, sourcherries, blackberry, greengages, plums, grapes, pomegranates, persimoms. Yes I miss them all. Heaven. Iran has really good fruits.
8. Our good doctors and health care system.
9. Belive it or not; the four seasons. Im about to forget how it feels to wear winter clothes or get excited about the spring.
These were what I miss about Iran and the benefits of living in your own country. Each person has a different opinion. These were mine.
Good night people. My head is bursting.