Have you ever felt you've been trapped inside a hole and you can't come out? This is what I'm feeling for a long time that I'm gradually getting used to it. Part of the feeling comes from life itself but most of it comes me myself.
How come people are moving fast forward but I feel I'm lagging behind? What is wrong with me? What should I do to be able to change the situation? Does this mean there is something wrong with me and others are more efficient than me? No it doesn't! I know it and I believe in myself.
So how come things hardly change most of the time?
Let's start with what my mum used to say many years ago while I was still an undergraduate student in Iran:
"You don't do things; but when you; you do it better than many other people".
I think the reason is I don't make plans for my life. I have long-term plans in my head like so many other people about living place and my career; but when it comes to short-term plans like for everyday life I let things go by itself. I play it by ear as the saying goes.
Let's be brave and talk about what blocks my way on the path of progressing:
- I go to bed and tell myself tomorrow will be a better day (while it won't be if I don't write any plans for my tomorrow).
- I put off doing things till I realise I haven't done it even for one year.
- One of my number one problems: I can't concentrate. I have problem focusing on a task for more than 5 minutes and then I get distracted.
- I can't eat properly. I forget to eat. I don't know what to eat. There should be someone who remind me my lunch and dinner. I consume too much tea and coffee; up to the point that the inside coat of my stomach hurts.
- I get confused and stressed out badly. Sometimes I wanna put away everything and run away. Run; run; run! I know most people under work and education and life pressure experience this too; but sometimes for me it gets really too hard. At such times I need to take deep breath and tell myself things will get better soon.
- I'm forgetful. Terribly. I put things and forget where I put them. I go to a room and forget why I went into that room. So many such examples of this kind.
- I don't have fixed sleeping hours. Sometimes I sleep too soon; sometimes too late. I can't get up at a fixed time in the morning. I know this one is controllable by setting an alarm clock but sometimes it's really impossible.
I guess those are my top most problems I have to deal with in the last couple of years. I've accustomed to have these problems and sometimes try to solve them but there are times they make me want to bang my head to the wall and feel so tired of myself.
But hey! Everyone is born with some sort of problems; so I can't complain much. Just I know we're unique in our own ways and our problems can be unique either. The only thing is being courageous enough to accept our faults and try to deal with them.
This is what I'm trying to do these days.