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Showing posts from March, 2012

Life Possibilities

Here's a joke for you, sorry it's a bit dirty and might be old as hills, but my Polish friend Gabi reminded me of it last night. When a Polish girl tells you a Persian joke, it deserves to be written on your blog:

One day Ghazanfar* says: "I don't know why Religion says you can't sleep with your mother-in-law. I actually slept and it was possible."



* Ghazanfar is a male name and in jokes it represents a person who does/says things without much thought.

"Mama, I Just Killed a Man..."

Mama, I just killed a man, Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger Now he's dead...
When I used to listen to that song in my early teens, I didn't have any idea I'm listening to one of the legendary rock backs in the world. All I knew that the boy with rabbit teeth in the video is cool. Especially with that black nail polish and the hair style. His nose, cheeks and chin were also very special. Not easy to forget him.
Then I went to college and I made friends with a musician. One day when I accidentally mentioned the band name and called them Queens by mistake, my musician friend was taken aback and corrected me: "Queen". I understood they must be very important that my friend got shocked. So I did a little search and knew them. Legends!
One of my friends once told me she'd heard Freddie Mercury is Iranian. I got very interested, especially since this Rock singer is so especial. But I realised my friend had made a mistake. Freddie Mercury was Parsi, not to …

Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

If you saw a girl in a supermarket who's going from here and there like crazy with all her shopping in her both hands and about to drop them at any moment, forgetting to take a basket or trolley as usual, that girl is me. Always.

Our Era

Without you,
Not the scent of the soil saved me,
Not counting the stars calmed me.
Why did you call me,
Why?
Hurried and eager,
I waited for you for 30 barren years and you didn't come.
The proof is,
It was 2000 AD
And the era
Was vallium era
And philosophy era
And the heart and liver sandwich.

~Hossein Panahi

Things We Don't Know

There is one thing I know: I want to see "There Are Things You Don't Know".
You don't need to read the plot story, just by looking at the cast name you know it's a must-watch. Because Leila Hatami and Ali Mosafa don't play in disappointing films.


Ali is a taxi driver, but despite most taxi drivers he's not talkative or sociable. Completely the opposite, he's cold, indifferent, unemotional and quiet. Most of the film takes place in his taxi and the view to the outside world from his windshields. He's different because he's intellectual but prefers to spend his life away from the hustle and bustle of the every-day world.


Sima is a woman who was in love with Ali in the past, finds him again and tries to make the ashes of love catch fire again for him, but she is not successful. Ali is still remote, cold and distant. The more and more Sima gets close, the far and far Ali moves.



But another woman arrives and changes eveything. She's mysterious…

Tea, Tea, Tea Please

"An office worker is alive by tea, an artist is alive by loneliness".                                                                                                                               Hossein Panahi

Today was such a catastrophic day for me. I can live without food and water, but without tea; no never. And this happened today and I felt I was breathing my last breath.

I actually had three big packs of three types of tea at home: normal tea, green tea and ginger tea. Also have hot chocolate and Nescafe in case I want to overdose, but the problem was I couldn't make tea today. I won't go into details of it. Just consider the main point of the disaster: I didn't drink tea today.

I woke up, and tried to convince myself I can keep my eyes open and make my brain work and load the information. But my body knew something is missing. The afternoon was ok, but then in the evening I started feeling mad. I went to the kitchen 200 times, started at the tea caddies,…

Mellat Bank Welcomes You to Gayland

Sometimes you can see the cutest gay video made in a country which opposes gay rights the most.
I'm not kidding.
The State TV of Iran recently made an advertisement for Mellat Bank copying Jennifer Lopez video Papi scene by scene. The difference is the state TV didn't want to show men running after a woman as such scenes cannot be shown on Iran's National Television and instead they replaced Lopez by a man!!!
So the result is a video with a nice gay theme. Men running after a man with a rose in their hands!
I really want to see inside the brain of the person who made this advert.
And remember we have no gays in Iran!


Something New Is Coming up

And it's Persian New Year.

Have I cleaned the flat? No.
Have I set Haft-Seen? No.
Have I beautified myself? No.

Then what am I doing? Easy: surfing the Net.
I just cleaned the kitchen and I'm relaxing now. You know when I open facebook and see people upload pictures of their Haft-Seen I feel I'm so useless.

Time to get my lazy grandpa off the couch and do the things.

And happy Iranian New Year, in advance!

Springtuality

Since you have become my companion, my heartthrob moon,
The light has come out of my mouth like a chandelier.
From the hand of your sun, particle by particle like a piece of jewel,
The heart has become all my water and clay.
Come nearer, put that face and chest on me,
Although your being is mine in unity.
I'm wondering whose shadow is on me,
Your kindness says, it is mine, it is mine.
Because of you, the World full of pain has become like Heaven to me,
How my other world will be, due to your mercy?
Your hand is my crown if you put it on my head,
Your locks is like a snare, being knot around me.
Love cut a bag for me, I asked what you are doing?
Said it would not be enough for you, my endless feast.
My heart did not have any leaf, it was shaking like a leaf,
Said don't be afraid, you have come in my safe haven.
I would embrace you so tight you leave the Sea and the Earth,
So you come to me every night dancing.
I would call you the only one, make you drunk forever,
So you becom…

Time to Take off Those Glasses, Dude

Another fabulous work by Mana Neyestani, the Iranian cartoonist. He's the only one among his counterparts who cares and pays attention to LGTB issues and doesn't remain silent. That's what makes him stand one step higher than others.

The meaning of the caricature:

The person has the glasses on through which he only sees the relationship acceptable just between a male and a female, so lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transexuals are like pests to him; therefore he wants to get rid of them. As you see he has raised the other hand to kill them with it.

You're wearing the wrong glasses mate, they actually give you a weaker vision.

Take them off.

How Did You Spend Your Charshanbe-Soori?

Charshanbe-Soori, expectations versus reality:

What we tell the people of other countries we do on Charshanbe Soori:


What we actually do on Tehran's streets:


All joking aside, seriously, why people just don't just set some small fire and jump on it instead of firing so many horrible firecrackers and explosives? Just a week before Charshanbe Soori you can hear the sound of firecrackers from any neighbourhood, and on the night of the mentioned day, there are so many explosion sounds you think the Third World War has already begun outside. I remember two years ago despite the strict patrolling of the Basij on Tehran's streets due to their fear of a political uprising, people were still dropping firecrackers from their rooftops and windows. No one was on streets but yeah, people still did it from their houses! I was just walking in our neighbourhood when I found a poor cat badly afraid and shivering, hiding under a small bush. I felt so much for the poor kitty. She actually di…

No Name, No Face, No Hello

"Any new aquaintance is a new sorrow. Don't let them know your name and call your name. Any hello is the painful beginning of a goodbye."                                                                                            Once again, the City I Loved
                                                                                           Nader Ebrahimi

Ferdowsi Has Been Spotted in Rome!

I saw this photo on my friend's facebook. She was in Rome when she saw a square called Ferdowsi Square with a statue of the Iranian poet in it. The place is called Villa Borghes, and when I looked it in Google map it's the name of a park in Rome.

We have a Square in Tehran called Ferdowsi too, and I have so many childhood memories of the numberless times when we were passing the square and I looked up at the big tall statue and always wondered who's that small child near his feet?



One day I heard on facebook they have taken the statue away. I got so shocked. What? They took all my childhood, teenage and adulthood memories away? I couldn't get more sad. Tehran without Ferdowsi square is not Tehran. This square has been one of the oldest places in Tehran.


Then luckily I understood it was just a romour. This rumour was made after the real news that in the spring the murals of the poet's famous book "Book of the Kings" (in Persian: Shahnameh) were all myster…

Let Me Correct You

That's an Iranian woman.
But this is NOT an Iranian woman:

So please stop making stuff like this.
My job is done here.

This Simin got Separated from Nader, That Simin Joined Jalal

Iran's literary circles heard bad news on 8 March: Simin Daneshvar, the first female Iranian novelist passed away at the age of 90, after a long fight with illness.

I was uploading her picture on my blog on that day exactly when I heard the news. What a coincidence.

Simin Daneshvar is famous for two facts:

1. She is Jalal Al-e Ahmad's wife, the famous Iranian author,
2. She wrote the famous book "Suvashoon".

I enjoyed reading many of her husband's books in my teens, including "The School Principal" and "Pink Nailpolish" and I loved his short stories about women.

My literature teacher told us he was from a religious family and Simin was from a modern family, and this made some disagreements among them.

I only read one book by Simin, and it was her famous book. A few pages of the book was in our Persian text books in high school, and we all read the part when the female antagonist mourns her husband's heroic death.

I borrowed the book from …

A Sad Joke

One day a group of Japanese managers come over to Iran and tell the Iran's government that they can make Iran like Japan just in 3 months. The Iranian government start laughing and say: "So what? Let us come over to Japan and we can make it like Iran just in 3 days".

A Fly Flies, A Butterfly Dies

It's 5 a.m. over here. I should normally be in my bed like any other human, but I'm not.

Like most other nights in my life, I've preferred doing something else to sleeping. Studying, thinking, walking in the sitting room, and just like now, surfing the Net.
You know I think surfing the Net is not a good phrase. I think digging the Net is more suitable. Because most of the time I feel I've got a shovel in my hands and aimlessly digging a wide land called the Internet, rather than being on a surfing board.
There were loads of webpages open, and there was my blog page open too, waiting for me to update on it.
I had a good idea to write about till I saw something in the sitting room when I walked to the kitchen to make hot chocolate.
Let's get back to 2 nights ago:
It was raining heavily, and I left the sitting room windows open. I was doing my stuff when suddenly a big white butterfly came in and started flying here and there. It was running away from the rain and th…

Iranian Women

It's 8 March, the best day to write about Iranian women.

I was surfing my favourite webpage some nights ago and having fun till I came across something annoying. They had uploaded a picture of some women dressing from tip to toe in black, covering their faces with burqa with long sticks in their hands. Under the picture they had written: Iranian Women Army.

I got so annoyed. When will the world stop depicting Iranian women like this? It's so irritating.

One of the very wrong images about Iran which is about Iranian women should be corrected. I don't know how much I was successful, but I've always tried to show a true picture of an Iranian woman via this blog. Well after all I'm an Iranian woman myself.

As they say a picture is worth a thousand words, this time I don't say much and instead chose the pictures of some famous Iranian women:


"I Put out My God in Your Mug"

So what's new in Persian music world? Shahin Najafi has given out a new album called Nothing, Nothing, Nothing (in Persian: Hich, Hich, Hich). I admit I haven't listened to him before this though I know he's very famous. You can say his work is very noticeable. Especially the lyrics. Here's is my favourite song of his new album called After You, plus the Persian lyrics and the English translation for you:


khamoosh kardam tooye livanat khodayam ra,             I put out my God in your mug,
shabha baghal kardam bi tou hamjens'hayam ra          I embraced my same sexes without you at nights,
rangin kaman-e koochaki bar rooye angoshtam            A small rainbow on my finger,
dar avalin boose, khodam ra, tora koshtam                   In the first kiss, I killed me and you,
hey gerye mikardam be an mardi ka zan boodam        I cried constantly for the man who I was a woman
shab'ha dracoolaye ghamgini ke man boodam              The sad Dracula at nights who was me
va eshg…

Sad Canaries Have Another Name in the Rain

Have you ever experienced this,
that no matter where the part of this world you are,
after you've had a hectic day,
you get back home,
eat dinner,
rest on the couch,
read the latest headlines,
then you yawn,
turn the lights off,
go to bed,
and rest your head on the pillow and close your eyes,
because you're very tired and you think you will go to sleep soon,
but you wouldn't,
and you start thinking,
thinking,
thinking,
and thinking,
and you feel this world is too small,
and you're one entity,
being accidentally thrown in it.

Why Did You Do That to Me Kiwi? Why?

I've been through many hard times in my life and never shed a drop of tear, but last night a box of shoe polish made me want to cry.

The story is I bought a box of Kiwi shoe polish last night. When I wanted to open the box I looked at it and saw something like a screw beside the box. There was no direction on the back, just a small picture of a hand winding that screw-like thing. So I started winding, and saw the lid is slightly coming up. But then I felt it wasn't coming up anymore, so I pushed it down and retried, but then, nothing happened.

I felt so annoyed that I couldn't open a shoe box, and I tried and tried, but no results.

I was mad. I desperately Googled "How can you open kiwi shoe polish" and laughed how idiot it can be to search such a thing, but much to my surprise, I saw lots of other people have had the same problem:




Then I understood it's not me being silly, but it was the shoe polish company which was ignorant of writing enough instructions…